Thursday, February 18, 2010

Growing Pains


Like the drift wood on this beach, I am finding land. When I left on this trip I felt like a kid home from college but still a kid. I was not child but definitely not ready to grow-up. I have spent the last week or so coming to terms with growing up. I MUST ACHIEVE ADULTHOOD!!! Only to realize that it is the way I conduct my business that makes me an adult. A friend of mine in Tucson, AZ mentioned this but I really didn’t understand it until now. I have been continually shooting myself in both feet to keep myself from being an adult. It doesn’t really matter why. I suppose we all have to leave the nest and find our own path. For years I have been cradled by the comfort of the sea, have often been smashed into the rocks and made my way aimlessly to many shores but have never really landed anywhere. My kaleidoscopic trip has provided the opportunity to take a deep look at myself and to start accepting the character that I have developed.
I have come to an interesting time (the 30’s). It is interesting to talk with those coming into their 20’s and recall the dumbass things that I have said or thought. I really had it all planned out then too. But now, I am looking to land not atop Mount Everest or as the next Sarah Palin smashing presidential candidate or what anyone else thought I should be (or should not). I have been looking for what I want. Well I still don’t know but like many times in my life I will land, adventure and grow. I don’t have any terrific full-proof plan to solve all the world’s problems in 80 days. The growth will hurt and I will again find myself here looking for employment, a place to heal, and another set of cliffs to smash into. The only thing I really know is that is likely to hurt. Hopefully I will be a little more forgiving of my own struggles in the future.
It needs to said though, that the dumbass things and ideas that come from today's adolescents are important and to be validated. Their energy and hope for change is important, and maybe a part of me hopes to never lose that energy and drive to make the world a better place. So I leave you all with the hope that the eager adolescent still thrives within us once we start conducting the stuffy business of adulthood.
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